Three Steps to Happiness

The most common answer to the question “what do you want out of life?” is “to be happy”. Happiness means different things to different people but the many wishes (a good job, more money, a nice home, family etc) one could make, all lead to the same place for the wisher, happiness. But how do we get there?

You all know I love self help books (I can hear you groaning, shut up), and I briefly mentioned The Secret in one of my previous posts. A documentary about “The Law of Attraction” and how to change your life by following it’s principles, The Secret promises to unlock the power of the universe to give you everything you ever dreamed of. Now, I love self help books, and will devour them at every available opportunity, but I know I’m in the minority here and loads of you will not be convinced by what I or anyone else says. However, if a self help book can help someone be happier, more successful, healthier etc it can’t really be a bad thing, whatever you think of them.

I have been living by The Secret for two weeks and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. But I’ll be honest, there is no real secret to “The Secret” or any other self help book. In fact, having read possibly hundreds of self help books, I feel I am qualified to tell you a secret of my own, shhhh, they all say the same thing.

The words may be different but the messages are ultimately repeated over and over again. So, to save those of you who aren’t quite convinced about buying a self help book and taking the time to read it, or who just don’t believe they can work, or anyone who’s feeling a little down in the dumps today, I can sum up the principles of happiness, and therefore all self help (more money, better body, healthier life, success) in three easy steps, one blog post, maybe ten minutes of your time.

Step One – Gratitude

Before you all shout “boring, let’s get to the good bit” this is the most important step and if you skip it, you will never self-help yourself. If you have the money to buy a self help book, the eyes to see the words, the education to read it, the friends to gossip about it with, the car to go to the shop and buy it (or the internet) you are already better off than millions of people. Once you start looking for things in your life you can be grateful for you can find them everywhere (last week I had a particularly ecstatic moment being grateful for the return of Dallas, true story). It is only 11am and already today some things I have been grateful for include: my bed, my house, my kids, a great shower, cup of coffee, Raisin Wheats (made a nice change from plain Mini Shredded Wheats), my Hunter wellies, Radio One, the rain (because it’s watering my new container plants which I would normally forget about and end up throwing the emaciated stalks into the bin, wasting money and feeling crap for not being able to look after plants), central heating… I could go on and on. Everyone is different and will be grateful for different things, but we all have something to be grateful for, most of us have many.

Step Two – Positive Thinking

If you think it’s crap it will be crap. If you think negative bad thoughts, you will feel negative and bad. I have read countless self help books and have had two bouts of professional counselling and they have all taught me the same thing: positive thinking is a massive stepping stone towards happiness. And it’s not new-age bullshit either: “What we think, we become” (Buddha), “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22), “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so” (Shakespeare), “The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; the optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty” (Churchill). The ability to put a positive spin on anything is a valuable skill that can be learned (simply through practice) by anyone.

Step Three – Action

Do something. This one sounds like the hardest one but steps one and two make it easy. Just do it, whatever you ever dreamed of doing, do it, try it, start it, write it, draw it, make it, change it, don’t waste time waiting until you have more money, a better body, a nicer house, the kids grow up, what is really stopping you from doing it right now? Is it a genuine excuse or just fear? If you follow step two you will discover there really are no excuses. And by the same token, if something you are doing makes you feel bad, stop doing it, it’s that simple.

And there it is. Happiness summed up into three easy steps.

But let me get one thing straight. I will never, ever stop buying self help books, or saying how wonderful they are, because they have brought me comfort in times of need and helped me see all the great things in my life. You may think self help is a load of codswallop, or it's too new-agey, simplistic, preachy just plain icky for you, but it’s simply someone suggesting you be grateful, positive and take action. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it J