Retro Repost: Idols, Gurus and Eric Cantona

I haven't had time to write a new post today. Not only have I been into the office for meetings (love having "meetings", it's so terribly grown up), but my Dad has been here building me a micro office (by micro office I mean a desk in a cupboard in my bedroom, but "desk in cupboard" does not sound as professional and important as micro office). I needed somewhere I could work that was away from the kids (no longer will my printer spew out old pieces of toast or be found choking on Lego men who had gone in there "to get a tattoo"). So the days of not posting new blog posts will soon be over because, rather than lying in bed night after night not being able to sleep (and worrying about what tragedy will befall my printer the next day), I'll be able to walk two steps into my micro office, blog away into the night, smoking out of my window (the fact that there is a window in there takes it even further from cupboard towards proper office) like a proper writer.


So with this lack of time in mind, rather than dash off a third rate hurried piece, I decided to do a Retro Repost of one of my early posts (ever so slightly edited). It's of March 2011 vintage, and it's called:

Idols, Gurus and Eric Cantona

Some people I know are so self assured. They know exactly who and what they are. I don't know who I am. I have (and will probably continue to) spend my life trying to answer the constantly nagging questions "who are you, what are you, why are you here, and just WTF are you doing?" Sometimes I think it must be so much easier to be one of those people who live without the constant chatter of questions, enquiring, pushing me to find answers. Frankly it's quite exhausting. But at the same time, looking for the answers means I'm constantly striving, and it's the times when I have given up on the striving that I have been at my lowest points, and the times when I'm looking for answers that I feel the greatest sense of fulfilment. 

I wonder how these people know the answers? How do they have this peace within them? Would those who believe in reincarnation think the unquestioning people have been reincarnated so many times that they have answered all the questions? And those of us still stuck in the investigative phase are all newbies?

Last night, for want of anything better to watch, I watched a film called Looking for Eric. It's about a down and out guy who has zero self confidence and his life is looking pretty bleak, until his idol Eric Cantona appears to him and starts coaching him in the ways of the world, and very quickly his life is turned around. It was a good film.

For some people, life seems so easy, they just get on with it, get through life without the endless questions and analysis. But for the rest of us, frantically zigzagging through life, trying to make sense of it all, we need a bit of help. And we often find help in other people, idols, gurus, whatever you want to call them, people who inspire us. Just like the man in the film was inspired by Eric Cantona, by channelling or thinking about people we admire, we gain confidence and a focus.

How many people wear WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) bracelets? You can now get bracelets asking "What Would insert the name of your idol here Do?" for pretty much anyone you can think of, now or in history.

Most of us don't actually know what we're doing in life, and many of us face situations daily where we simply don't know what to do. From the big questions: "Should I buy this house?"" Should I have a kid?" etc to the relatively small and seemingly unimportant "What should I wear today?" Asking ourselves "What would this person who we admire do?" can give a focus for our thoughts. Often we don't even know the person personally, or if we do, maybe we wouldn't want them to know we are channeling them, lest they think us creepy or wierd. Many times we don't know what they would really do but imagination is a pretty powerful tool and sometimes just by imagining something you can find an answer.

I am willing to lay myself on the line here and admit to having a style crush on a friend. Some people just seem to be born with an innate sense of style, elegant and always right for the occassion, and always age appropriate. I, however, I was born with a totally schizophrenic style sense, never able to decide what I like, going through the complete spectrum of outfits, sometimes dressing too old, sometimes dressing too young, sometimes wearing it all at once. I think I have unsuccessfully tried just about every fashion and fad throughout my life. About a year ago I got so fed up with feeling like I was always getting it wrong that I started asking myself "is this something Soandso would wear, and what would she wear it with?" before every purchase I made. That I'm aware of this person doesn't know I do this, and I wouldn't tell her because I wouldn't want to make her feel uncomfortable (or think I was creepy and wierd), but unknowingly she has really helped me out. I can't say I am now getting it right all the time but I do now have a better focus when I'm out shopping, because frankly, the choice is so overwhelming it's no wonder I was getting it wrong a lot of the time. Once I started doing this I noticed other people who "fit" the look I was trying to get. And now I have a number of style "idols" I draw on when I'm out shopping.

Let me just clear something up right now. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but blatant copying other people is tantamount to not only social death but complete loss of your true self, which doesn't help in your quest to find yourself and who YOU are. At the furthest end of the scale you also have stalking which is just plain scary. I am not talking about copying or stalking here. I'm talking about being inspired by people. I wouldn't go out and buy the same top as my style crush for instance (we have a different body type so I would look like a knob in it anyway), just trying to give myself a sense of direction. A psychological style sat nav if you will.

I am like an information sponge but more than that I like to soak up other people. Most of the people in my life are idols in some way, because they all have certain points or traits which I admire. You can find something great in everyone, if you know what you think is great you can find it in people. I think we all (quite often unconsciously) emulate people we spend time with, particularly if we admire them. I don't think it's necessarily genetics that are to blame for us ending up like our parents...

When I started this blog post (this morning, while battling screaming kids and mounds of mushed up Shreddies on the kitchen floor) I was mainly thinking about the writer Gretchen Rubin. I have mentioned her before in a blog post, I won't go into it too much now but I recently read a book she has written called "The Happiness Project" where she sets herself resolutions to live by with the goal of increasing her daily happiness. It's a fantastic book and if you want to know more you can check out her blog at http://www.happiness-project.com/. The point is, she really inspired me. And it got me thinking about all the people in my life who have inspired me, pretty much everyone I have ever met has given me something I could learn from, often an impulse to do something or change something I don't like. Once I started thinking about it I was seeing inspirational people everywhere, and this was just in the space of a few hours. Our kids, our families, our friends, writers, artists, celebrities... they all help in our quest to do better, be better and find answers.

BRRRRRRING!

OK, I admit it. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. This happens to me every now and then, I suddenly realise just how much responsibility I have and how utterly disorganised, and therefore unprepared for the responsibility, that I am. To be responsible you really need to be organised. And to be organised you really need to be responsible. So the fact that I am neither often leaves me in a bit of a muddle.

I’ve been winging it a bit these last few months: “self confessed disorganised person in utter chaos shocker”. But my usual system of keeping the disorganisation at bay has (almost literally) gone out the window. About a year ago I set up lots of reminders on my phone, the idea being that I would be told what I needed to do and when so in the mornings we would get to school on time, my houseplants wouldn’t keep dying because I had forgotten to water them and I’d always remember to put the bin out rather than running down the road shouting at the bin men “Wait! I cleared out the shed at the weekend and my wheelie bin is overflowing with dried up sample paint pots and punctured paddling pools, you HAVE to empty it!” But then I got annoyed with it…. BRRRING!:  “water plants” BRRRING!: “wash bed sheets” BRRRING!: “brush kids hair” BRRING, BRRING, BRRRRRRRRING! One day I had a mini breakdown over a particularly ill timed BRRRING!: “make kids packed lunches” I think even the neighbours heard me screaming “Shut UP! I can’t do this anymore”, and I only just managed to restrain myself from launching the damn thing out the window. So I deleted all my reminders and have since been flying solo.

But I now have even more to remind myself of than I did a year ago. Which means son number one is going to school unironed, and often, shock horror, with unbrushed hair, I don’t think any of us have had clean bed sheets for six weeks, and yes my wheelie bin is now so full I have to get the step ladder so I can climb inside it and use my (dwindling through forgetting to eat) body weight to squash it down. Becoming a wobbly bag of bones smelling of wheelie bins is not an attractive prospect.

So it is time to reinstate the reminders. This needs to be handled delicately though, to avoid a repeat of the “make kids packed lunches” debacle (shudder). Which means that not only do I need to find the time to actually input the reminders but I also need to prioritise the reminders so I only put in things that are of utmost importance and not remind myself to do absolutely every little thing (easier said than done, more is more surely?). Son number one not becoming a dreadlocked child of nature and being shunned by his school friends is rather important so the hair brushing one needs to be in there. And eating lunch myself is also of high priority. But reminding myself to wash up every evening might be pushing it a little, the piles of empty plates and mugs in the sink should be enough.

I suppose it’s all about habit really. When was the last time you forgot to clean your teeth? You don’t forget because it’s a habit, and your teeth feeling all rough and gross to remind you even if you do forget. But, at risk of sounding like a terrible mother, remembering to clean someone else’s teeth is not quite so simple, especially when that person is five and doesn’t care if they have dog breath, and when you are also trying to remember that the cats need deflea-ing and son number two needs to take in a photo of himself as a baby to preschool, which means replacing ink cartridges on the printer and locating some printer paper. The thing is, none of this comes naturally to me, I’m a free spirit. I was far better suited to my life as a student or living in Ibiza, when I only really had one or two things to remember (go to lecture or go to work) and anything else I did (or forgot to do) just wasn’t that important.

A friend said to me a couple of years ago that one day I would wake up and go “Oh shit, I’m a mum, how did that happen?” and but I think she should have warned me that one day I would wake up and go “oh shit, I’m a grown up. How did that happen?” Because it’s only just dawning on me that not only am I a mum, but I also have a house to maintain, and be responsible for whether or not the roof is leaking and that crack is looking a bit dodgy. When I was part of a twosome none of it seemed like a big deal. There’s always someone else you can rely on to remember to do things (and blame when things get forgotten).

But I can’t think about all my grown up responsibilities too much because it gives me brain strain. That’s why I get my phone to think about things for me, so I can be all airy fairy and pretend I’m still free as a bird. Maybe another reminder might be in order: BRRRRING: “reality check”.