BRRRRRRING!

OK, I admit it. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. This happens to me every now and then, I suddenly realise just how much responsibility I have and how utterly disorganised, and therefore unprepared for the responsibility, that I am. To be responsible you really need to be organised. And to be organised you really need to be responsible. So the fact that I am neither often leaves me in a bit of a muddle.

I’ve been winging it a bit these last few months: “self confessed disorganised person in utter chaos shocker”. But my usual system of keeping the disorganisation at bay has (almost literally) gone out the window. About a year ago I set up lots of reminders on my phone, the idea being that I would be told what I needed to do and when so in the mornings we would get to school on time, my houseplants wouldn’t keep dying because I had forgotten to water them and I’d always remember to put the bin out rather than running down the road shouting at the bin men “Wait! I cleared out the shed at the weekend and my wheelie bin is overflowing with dried up sample paint pots and punctured paddling pools, you HAVE to empty it!” But then I got annoyed with it…. BRRRING!:  “water plants” BRRRING!: “wash bed sheets” BRRRING!: “brush kids hair” BRRING, BRRING, BRRRRRRRRING! One day I had a mini breakdown over a particularly ill timed BRRRING!: “make kids packed lunches” I think even the neighbours heard me screaming “Shut UP! I can’t do this anymore”, and I only just managed to restrain myself from launching the damn thing out the window. So I deleted all my reminders and have since been flying solo.

But I now have even more to remind myself of than I did a year ago. Which means son number one is going to school unironed, and often, shock horror, with unbrushed hair, I don’t think any of us have had clean bed sheets for six weeks, and yes my wheelie bin is now so full I have to get the step ladder so I can climb inside it and use my (dwindling through forgetting to eat) body weight to squash it down. Becoming a wobbly bag of bones smelling of wheelie bins is not an attractive prospect.

So it is time to reinstate the reminders. This needs to be handled delicately though, to avoid a repeat of the “make kids packed lunches” debacle (shudder). Which means that not only do I need to find the time to actually input the reminders but I also need to prioritise the reminders so I only put in things that are of utmost importance and not remind myself to do absolutely every little thing (easier said than done, more is more surely?). Son number one not becoming a dreadlocked child of nature and being shunned by his school friends is rather important so the hair brushing one needs to be in there. And eating lunch myself is also of high priority. But reminding myself to wash up every evening might be pushing it a little, the piles of empty plates and mugs in the sink should be enough.

I suppose it’s all about habit really. When was the last time you forgot to clean your teeth? You don’t forget because it’s a habit, and your teeth feeling all rough and gross to remind you even if you do forget. But, at risk of sounding like a terrible mother, remembering to clean someone else’s teeth is not quite so simple, especially when that person is five and doesn’t care if they have dog breath, and when you are also trying to remember that the cats need deflea-ing and son number two needs to take in a photo of himself as a baby to preschool, which means replacing ink cartridges on the printer and locating some printer paper. The thing is, none of this comes naturally to me, I’m a free spirit. I was far better suited to my life as a student or living in Ibiza, when I only really had one or two things to remember (go to lecture or go to work) and anything else I did (or forgot to do) just wasn’t that important.

A friend said to me a couple of years ago that one day I would wake up and go “Oh shit, I’m a mum, how did that happen?” and but I think she should have warned me that one day I would wake up and go “oh shit, I’m a grown up. How did that happen?” Because it’s only just dawning on me that not only am I a mum, but I also have a house to maintain, and be responsible for whether or not the roof is leaking and that crack is looking a bit dodgy. When I was part of a twosome none of it seemed like a big deal. There’s always someone else you can rely on to remember to do things (and blame when things get forgotten).

But I can’t think about all my grown up responsibilities too much because it gives me brain strain. That’s why I get my phone to think about things for me, so I can be all airy fairy and pretend I’m still free as a bird. Maybe another reminder might be in order: BRRRRING: “reality check”.