Do Something Different

One of my favourite sayings is “if you keep doing what you’ve always done you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got”. It’s not just that I kind of have to think about it every time I hear it (so I can get my head around it) but I just love the way it’s such a universal concept, one saying fits all situations.

There’s a great episode of Friends (OK they’re all great) where Ross’ new years resolution is to do something new every day. One day he decides to try leather trousers. He has a total disaster date thanks to his trousers but his little son draws a picture of him dressed as a cowboy in his leather trousers, which makes it all worthwhile. Just goes to show that doing something different may not always work out, but something good will usually come of it.

I have to admit to being a bit of an adrenaline junkie as far as change is concerned. There’s nothing I like more than a good house move, new baby or change of career to get the adrenaline pumping and blow away the cobwebs. Trying new things revives me, and thinking about the possibilities of the unknown is a real thrill.

But it’s easy for me, the adrenaline junkie, to simply say “go out and do something different”. I get that there is comfort in doing what we’ve always done, the outcome is predictable. It might not be what we want it to be, but at least we know what will happen and can prepare for it.

We also reach a point in life where sweeping changes aren’t so simple. Suddenly there are other people and other factors to consider. Packing up and living abroad means taking kids out of school, and what about the mortgage?

So maybe drastically “doing something different” is impossible, and doing a 180 is just not practical. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t make smaller changes and see big differences.

After having each son I had period of time when I was very overweight, but continued to do nothing and eat everything. “I’m so fat” I would wail to whoever listened, spraying cake crumbs and wiping fallen cream off my (still maternity 6 months post pregnancy) top. One day I thought of the “if you keep doing…” phrase and I decided to do something different and change my habits. I am now fitter than I ever was pre-pregnancy, and back into clothes I haven’t been able to wear for five years. The benefits of more exercise and eating less crap far outweigh how hard it was to do something different.

The happiest people I know are the ones with their fingers in lots of different pies, and who aren’t afraid to try something new. My best friend, a single mum with a 2 year old to support, has recently started her own business and has plans to start another one, the mans oldest friend has his finger in lots of different business pies and his wife is not only about to make a major career move but recently took on learning to play the guitar. These people, and many others in my life, inspire me because they don’t just keep doing what they’ve always done.

Then there are our kids. As a rule, kids are generally happy little things. They lives are constantly changing, whether it’s a new class every year (or the move from preschool to the next “big” school), trying a new activity or that irritating way they like one food one week then despise it the next. Most kids aren’t set in their ways and are completely open to new ideas (even if they don’t realise they are). Maybe we can learn from them.

Making changes requires bravery, self belief and maybe a little of the thirst for the unknown that children seem to have. And we all have those things, if we just dig a little deeper to find them.

If I manage to teach my kids one thing I hope it will be that they can be whoever they want to be, get whatever they want, do whatever they like, as long as they’re willing to put the work in. Putting the work in doesn’t just mean getting your head down and doing it, but also being open to new ideas and being brave enough to put your ideas into practice.

Doing something even slightly differently can reap big rewards. Trying a new shower gel with a different fragrance might have a big impact on your day, if you’re into smelly stuff. Or trying tea instead of coffee, or a new class at the gym, or just phoning someone up that you haven’t spoken to for ages because you always text.

If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got. Think about it.

OK maybe this is all self help “clap trap”. We all know I’m a sucker for it. But don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. Hey, it could be your something different to do today.

Parents Need A Laugh Too

A hit new book for parents entitled “Go The F*ck To Sleep” written as a parody of a children’s bedtime book has caused a media storm and hysterical rantings on the forums. The book is purely for sleep deprived parents who can see the funny side (and frankly, need a laugh) and not in any way intended to be a children’s book, but the do gooding crew are out to spoil our fun yet again.

The book is part of a growing section of the literary world. A quick peek on Amazon and I found a number of books in a similar vein including a book about dinosaurs entitled “All My Friends Are Dead” (which I thought was genius).

No one in their right mind would read any of these books to their children, but it has hit a raw nerve and everyone seems to have an opinion. One person on a forum I read even compared the book to combining In The Night Garden with hardcore porn. Seriously? The worst criticisms seem to hint that any parent who enjoys the book loves their kids less or worse still, are bad parents.

Parenting is such an emotive subject, with many people pious about their own methods and judgemental about others. Maybe it’s because we think we know so much more these days about what supposedly works and what doesn’t; breastfeeding boosts immunity and apparently IQ, never give your children turkey twizzlers or they’ll end up obese, don’t smack, do smack, don’t let them talk to the neighbours and even their teachers can’t be trusted (and don’t let a friend pick them up from school unless they are CRB checked), don’t let them spend the whole time indoors watching telly but don’t let them go to the park on their own. And now, apparently, don’t read grown up books with swear words in them.

Despite all the available advice I am struggling to find a solution specific to my particular problem. Son number one is nearly five and capable of opening the four stair gates that defend the rest of the house from his barrage, and also now it seems, capable of bringing son number two downstairs and serving up “breakfast” while the man and me are sleeping peacefully assuming the kids are doing the same. This morning I was greeted with an open fridge door swinging on its hinges, and a trail of food going from the kitchen to the sofa. Everything had been pilfered. Sausages, jelly, cheese, yoghurt, the last of the Easter eggs… son number one has a marmite sandwich and a pile of fruit for his lunch box today because the little monkeys ate everything else.

The naughty step has been hailed as a basic cure all when it comes to discipline, but how do you keep a two year old on it? There’s nothing son number two enjoys more than an hour or two of hysterical laughter watching mummy sweat as she keeps returning him to the step, son number one also enjoys that particular matinee performance. After two hours and being laughed at by two under fives, even I have forgotten the initial rule break.

I have also removed toys. In fact, the kids bedroom is now totally devoid of all toys, everything is in a bike locked cupboard, one box of toys to be removed at a time for supervised play.

But I’m really at a loss to know how to deal with the early morning fridge raids. Poor old son number one gets all the blame, after all he knows right from wrong. But son number two is only 22 months, and maybe he’s slow, but he just doesn’t get it. I am not going to start sleeping on the floor of the kids room, I know locking their door would be beyond dangerous, they don’t have access to any toys and are too young for pocket money. As a rule we don’t smack or hit, it just seems to give the wrong message and the few times we have done it has resulted in us getting a smack back.

Apparently you can get extra high stair gates for people with large dogs, which may be an option. Although what might confound a German Shepherd would be peanuts to my 2 year old with his advanced climbing skills.

We stick criminals in prison to teach them a lesson. I realise that having a cage for a naughty kid is a basic infringement of human rights, but every time I go to one of those soft play centres there is always a tiny part of me that thinks, could I make a small one of those and stick a lock on it…?

Being a parent is hard and we need a laugh occasionally. And as far as I know, the best parents are open-minded, flexible and most importantly have a sense a humour. I love the idea of “Go The F*ck To Sleep”, in fact I think they should make an entire series including “Eat Your F*cking Dinner”, “Because I Blo*dy Said So” and “Stop Kicking The Back Of My Car Seat You Little Sh*t”.