Should we aspire to constant happiness or does having periods of unhappiness make us more appreciative of the good times?
So a few things have happened over the last few weeks that have got me thinking about happiness (be aware I have often been accused of being an over-thinker - in fact I accuse myself of it on pretty much a daily basis). So anyway, in my opinion, a rich, full life has ups and downs and as long as things start to go back up after a down period I think you're doing quite well. But there seems to be quite a few people in the downward shift at the moment, myself included, and when things aren't going well I do find I can get totally bogged down in the negative. I get stuck in the slumps. Sometimes I actually think myself into being depressed, anxious and generally fuck myself over but then eventually, and with a bit of dedication, I can usually find a positive somewhere to cling on to and that often starts the process of pulling myself out. I'm really aware of this about myself (because I'm an over thinker) but I actually think that everyone does it to some extent. So as well as being able to make ourselves miserable we also have the capacity to think ourselves into happiness (aren't human beings amazing? Surely life would be much easier as a fish, or, like, a cat or something, I bet they don't have to deal with or even think about all this shit...
Cat: "Oh look my bowl has food in it again. Oh look my bowl is empty"
and Fish: "Oh look! Is this stone food? Nope, its just a stone. Oh look, is this stone food? Nope, its just a stone. Oh look...!"
What an easy life! Anyway, I digress again sorry).
It takes time to get ourselves happy again but the fact is we usually do. So should we try and do that all the time? I have been reading a book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Ruben, a writer who, by her own admission, had pretty much everything she could want but felt she still wasn't quite happy enough. So she embarked on a year long quest to try and up her happiness levels by having a series of resolutions geared towards making the best out of her life. Quite interesting and where I'm at now in the book it does seem to be working.
In the last couple of weeks I have had a course of Bowen treatment (a way of realigning the body to treat backache and other issues) and the therapist is one of those intensely happy people. I mean, I like to think of myself as pretty happy go lucky, you know, chirpy; but this woman takes happiness to a whole new level. As soon as you walk in the room she is grinning from ear to ear and positively exudes happiness from every pore of her being. I really liked her. I wish I could be like that (although I do think I am probably annoying enough to a lot of people and I know that as much as I love overly happy people, as many people do, certain other people find them bloody annoying, although to be fair those people are usually miserable bastards, but I'm getting off topic again here). There's something about happy people that draws you in (and the skeptics among you will say maybe that's how she got me to spend £45 a session on a treatment where she spends alot of time out of the room). So I get the impression she is a hardcore positive thinker. I mean, I honestly can't imagine this woman to ever have had a negative thought. I'm sure she has her ups and downs the same as everyone else but it does seem as if she has chosen to be happy and be positive. I think she could put a positive spin on any situation:
"Honey, I need to speak to you."
"Ooh how exciting, do tell."
"Well the thing is I've sort of been having an affair."
"Darling thats wonderful, at least one of us is getting some sex."
Obviously that is an entirely made up situation. But wouldn't it be great to be like that? Or not? Should we aspire to that constant happiness or should we take the rough with the smooth? Does being miserable make you appreciate the happy times more, or does happy breed more happy (much in the same way as negative seems to breed more negative). My argument is sometimes when things are really shit its so bloody hard to be happy, to find a positive, and when its taking all you've got just to get through the day surely trying to be happy as well is just too much effort? But then does positive thinking become a habit, easier over time, until its just second nature? Something the therapist said last night got me thinking. She said its important to replace the negative (as in different aches and pains I've been getting) with something positive. If you leave a hole there it can easily get filled with negativity again. Ok its easy to scoff at that kind of notion but when you think about it it kind of makes alot of sense. Replace the negative with the positive and gradually build yourself up to being a tower of positivity. So this morning I have been trying to notice when I have negative thoughts and replace them with a positive. And you know what? It's kind of nice. I don't know how real it is but then who wants real when you can have nice, and happy? I'll take fake and happy any day. Maybe that makes me an osterich with my head in the sand but hey, that's just your negative take on the situation.
Any thoughts anyone?
