Should we aspire to constant happiness or does having periods of unhappiness make us more appreciative of the good times?
So a few things have happened over the last few weeks that have got me thinking about happiness (be aware I have often been accused of being an over-thinker - in fact I accuse myself of it on pretty much a daily basis). So anyway, in my opinion, a rich, full life has ups and downs and as long as things start to go back up after a down period I think you're doing quite well. But there seems to be quite a few people in the downward shift at the moment, myself included, and when things aren't going well I do find I can get totally bogged down in the negative. I get stuck in the slumps. Sometimes I actually think myself into being depressed, anxious and generally fuck myself over but then eventually, and with a bit of dedication, I can usually find a positive somewhere to cling on to and that often starts the process of pulling myself out. I'm really aware of this about myself (because I'm an over thinker) but I actually think that everyone does it to some extent. So as well as being able to make ourselves miserable we also have the capacity to think ourselves into happiness (aren't human beings amazing? Surely life would be much easier as a fish, or, like, a cat or something, I bet they don't have to deal with or even think about all this shit...
Cat: "Oh look my bowl has food in it again. Oh look my bowl is empty"
and Fish: "Oh look! Is this stone food? Nope, its just a stone. Oh look, is this stone food? Nope, its just a stone. Oh look...!"
What an easy life! Anyway, I digress again sorry).
It takes time to get ourselves happy again but the fact is we usually do. So should we try and do that all the time? I have been reading a book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Ruben, a writer who, by her own admission, had pretty much everything she could want but felt she still wasn't quite happy enough. So she embarked on a year long quest to try and up her happiness levels by having a series of resolutions geared towards making the best out of her life. Quite interesting and where I'm at now in the book it does seem to be working.
In the last couple of weeks I have had a course of Bowen treatment (a way of realigning the body to treat backache and other issues) and the therapist is one of those intensely happy people. I mean, I like to think of myself as pretty happy go lucky, you know, chirpy; but this woman takes happiness to a whole new level. As soon as you walk in the room she is grinning from ear to ear and positively exudes happiness from every pore of her being. I really liked her. I wish I could be like that (although I do think I am probably annoying enough to a lot of people and I know that as much as I love overly happy people, as many people do, certain other people find them bloody annoying, although to be fair those people are usually miserable bastards, but I'm getting off topic again here). There's something about happy people that draws you in (and the skeptics among you will say maybe that's how she got me to spend £45 a session on a treatment where she spends alot of time out of the room). So I get the impression she is a hardcore positive thinker. I mean, I honestly can't imagine this woman to ever have had a negative thought. I'm sure she has her ups and downs the same as everyone else but it does seem as if she has chosen to be happy and be positive. I think she could put a positive spin on any situation:
"Honey, I need to speak to you."
"Ooh how exciting, do tell."
"Well the thing is I've sort of been having an affair."
"Darling thats wonderful, at least one of us is getting some sex."
Obviously that is an entirely made up situation. But wouldn't it be great to be like that? Or not? Should we aspire to that constant happiness or should we take the rough with the smooth? Does being miserable make you appreciate the happy times more, or does happy breed more happy (much in the same way as negative seems to breed more negative). My argument is sometimes when things are really shit its so bloody hard to be happy, to find a positive, and when its taking all you've got just to get through the day surely trying to be happy as well is just too much effort? But then does positive thinking become a habit, easier over time, until its just second nature? Something the therapist said last night got me thinking. She said its important to replace the negative (as in different aches and pains I've been getting) with something positive. If you leave a hole there it can easily get filled with negativity again. Ok its easy to scoff at that kind of notion but when you think about it it kind of makes alot of sense. Replace the negative with the positive and gradually build yourself up to being a tower of positivity. So this morning I have been trying to notice when I have negative thoughts and replace them with a positive. And you know what? It's kind of nice. I don't know how real it is but then who wants real when you can have nice, and happy? I'll take fake and happy any day. Maybe that makes me an osterich with my head in the sand but hey, that's just your negative take on the situation.
Any thoughts anyone?
I Love reading your blog! Replace negatives with positives im all for that!
ReplyDeleteMe personally I'm a positive thinker I dont take things to seriously which I suppose helps to see a positive side to any situation this can also be my downfall! I do think the shitty times make you appreciate the good although we'd rather do without them it keeps us grounded and being happy all the time would be so boring I love a good cry, row, rant, scream, tantrum etc. A good healthy balance is good for the soul!
Thanks Emma, gald you're enjoying it! I totally agree with you about bad times keeping us grounded and actually often a good row or a cry or rant makes me feel much better. So I suppose you could look on it that those things are a positive. Is it the Chinese that believe all things are a mixture of negative and postitive? I suppose out of a lot of negative things positive things can happen, but also vice versa. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said a healthy balance is the way forward! I also think that when bad things happen it is important to allow yourself a period of wallowing, then find gumption to pull yourself up before it takes over everything else in your life. This is something I need to work on! xxx
ReplyDeleteSooo...second time lucky!!
ReplyDeleteWow, talk about food for thought... a read of your blog and 2 glasses of wine later and I feel a rant coming on. You really got me thinking!
I think that the sentiment of turning negative thoughts into positives is fantastic, and I genuinely believe that positivity feeds positivity.
But I do believe that sometimes 'negatives' are there for a reason. To enable self-reflection, and to allow us to gain a true and realistic perspective of who we are, where we are and who and where we want to be. The negatives become positives by acknowledging them, and allowing them to influence our feelings, actions and ultimately the decisions we make in life!
Those who can automatically turn everything to positives and happiness on one hand have an amazing gift and take on life, that I really wish I shared. But I also question their 'reality!' Only by facing the negative thoughts and situations in life and addressing them head on, can we truly ensure that our needs in life are being met. Needs as a mother, a sister, a daughter, a lover, simply as a human being who is programmed to experience negative thoughts for a reason.
I agree, it's about balance, the strongest people are those who do not have the ability to instantly turn a negative to a positive, but those who face them, along with the potential consequences and make decisions that change the path of their lives in order to find true happiness. A 'real' and genuine happiness.
Positive thinking has a real power don't get me wrong, but failing to address and make peace with our negative thoughts can be really damaging... some can simply be dismissed, but some are there for a reason. Ultimately to change the direction of our lives, making us stronger and happier people! Genurinely.
Keep it coming...xx
PS, actually practicing this philosophy may well take more than a few glasses of vino. On second thoughts, sod it... Oh look! Is this stone food? Nope, its just a stone. Oh look, is this stone food? Nope, its just a stone. Oh look...!"
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine is reading a book, i forget the title and author ( helpful i know ) but the point of this book is that everyone has an energy and that people with posistive energy attract and seek out other positives and on the reverse negative attract and seek out negative.It makes perfect sense to me, when you are happy you try and avoid miserable people as they bring you down and when you are miserable, the last thing you want around you is a positive, happy, joyful friend.
ReplyDeleteI dont look at things as positive and negative because as an over thinker too, that itself quite often does my own head, you have to have ups and downs otherwise there would be no up and down so i like to look at it all as learning...whether up or down, good or bad, whether i chose to or it was forced upon me, whether i enjoyed it or not, its all learning and surely that cant be bad?