dThis last week I have lost 2 days and 2 nights to being drunk/hungover. And not just being a bit merry, actually getting so drunk I can barely remember what I did (and definitely can't remember what I said), and then so hungover that I'm either still drunk in the morning (too drunk to drive my son to preschool so I had to walk, wearing sunglasses, trying not to puke... oh the shame of it) or so hungover that I can barely get dressed and no amount of Berocca, paracetamol or pints of water seems to help. That strikes me as being a tad excessive.
We are a generation of excess. We're fatter, lazier, smoke more, drink more, take more drugs, have more opportunities available to us, but according to previous generations we're less friendly and polite and generally more miserable. So why do we do it to ourselves?
Every time I try and cut back on the booze it gets to the time when the kids are in bed (wine o clock) and I just think "ooh just one cheeky little glass would be delicious right now" and if I have wine in the house its like its calling me, I have to drink it. It's not like an addiction, it more a compulsion. It's a way of treating myself, being a little bit naughty, rebelling even, and just because I've had a hard day and frankly, I deserve it.
Do we really deserve it? Any more than previous generations? Far be it from me to have a pop at "the media" but you can't move these days for adverts suggesting "treat yourself" and "you're worth it". But actually are any of these things really making us feel any better? Surely we're worth not doing these things, surely we deserve to feel the best we can?
When I'm drinking I KNOW I'm going to feel rough the next day. And the smoking, as a rule I don't smoke before 7pm but the last couple of weeks when stressed I have found myself popping out for one or two during the day. And literally the second I have the first drag and I get that delicious head rush, I also start to feel a bit sick, have a horrid taste in my mouth and about ten minutes later start to feel absolutely exhausted. I'm also far more stressed and pissed off afterwards not only because I feel rough but I feel kind of gross for doing it at all. It doesn't make me feel better, its not a treat, it makes me feel like crap so why do I do it? I can't even claim any kind of physical addiction, because I'm alot less stressed when I haven't smoked that day and am alot less pissy and cross without the fags. I never feel like I need a cigarette, I just want one, and I deserve to get what I want so I'm going to have it dammit. It's that compulsion over addiction thing again. And I know I should give up. And I've done that, but then I just feel all deprived and jealous when people around me are smoking (surely I deserve one too!).
I can say the same thing about diet. For most people, a sensible healthy diet with lots of fruit and veg actually does make you feel great! Full of energy and vitality. So why then do I feel deprived and like I am missing out on treats and "why do I have to do this, I've had a bad day surely I deserve a whole family pack of maltesers in the evening?" But that whole pack of maltesers is probably going to make me feel almost instantly sick, regretful and totally thwart my weight loss efforts for that week. Ridiculous.
Why are we programmed this way? So much stuff that makes us feel "good" in the short term makes us feel rubbish in the long term. And its pretty much all about consumption, we feel like we must consume things. But why must we feel we must consume to excess? Is life really that bad?
OK so everything in moderation is the key here. But I just can't do temperance. I'm basically an all or nothing kind of girl. If I'm drinking I'm drinking every night, if I'm smoking I'm smoking a lot, if I'm eating one malteser I'm eating the whole bag. I find it much easier to completely avoid something than to have just one glass, or just a few maltesers.
Is it just me that is like this? Is temperance something that comes with maturity and wisdom? Am I basically just being childish here? Possibly. And now I've written this I really feel like I want a fag (but I'm not going to have one, maybe just a malteser or two, surely I deserve a little treat...)
