Monday, 30 April 2012

A Girl's Gotta Eat

As you may have noticed I haven’t written a blog for two weeks now. Events happened which turned my life into something straight out of an episode of Jeremy Kyle. Which is wrong on so many levels: I have regular dental check ups, I don’t even have my ears pierced let alone masses of gold hoops and thankfully, there is absolutely no question about the parentage of my children, or me for that matter. Anyway, when all this happened I tried to write my blog, really I did, but every time I sat down the only thing that came out of my fingers was “aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggghh” or a rant that sounded like I should be sitting on one of those blue chairs wearing a white puffa jacket, badly applied makeup, leggings and high tops. And I knew that nothing at all was better than that. But I’m back now.

Amongst all this, I decided to stop internet dating, because maybe I wasn’t ready for a relationship or even dating so soon after such a life changing event. As Big Bro said, I needed to work out who I was before I could even think about or know what I needed from a relationship. But in the last few days I have been getting a bit bored and, dare I say it, lonely.

And there it is. Lonely. The word that no single person likes to dare utter, lets bury it in the simple joy of painting chairs and fabulous girls nights out.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some great things about being single. Not having to share the TV (or worse still sitting in separate rooms, knowing that you should really be putting in more effort to watch Fringe rather than cookery programmes, because lets face it, you would have done at the beginning of the relationship – I was sort of seeing a guy recently and agreed to sit and watch the entire Alien trilogy with him, such is the need to show a new man how fun an exciting I can be, thankfully I never did have to do that, anyway, I digress), not having to listen to another persons snoring or snuffling all night (except of course when the kids come in with you), and your pretty dresses are no longer wedged into the wardrobe between a ten year old suit and a million unworn shirts.

But my return to internet dating is not born out of a need to watch sci-fi or share wardrobe space, rather than a need for some male company, getting dressed up to go on a date, and that excitement and distraction from life’s day to day dullness that comes in the form of a cheeky text message from someone you have yet to learn everything about. I really don’t expect to find “the one” on a dating website. I like to believe I’ll meet him when we both reach for the last pack of all butter croissants in Waitrose (despite the fact that I’m rarely in Waitrose and when I am I’m usually wild eyed and stressed, accompanied by two sticky, screaming children, if Mr Right did see me he would probably surrender the croissants and skidaddle). Sometimes though, just the thought that I could meet the one is enough. Because, in my darkest moments when I begin to worry that I could end up alone and single forever, with the standard millions of cats and piles of unread newspapers around me, that thought alone is enough to get me back on the dating website quicker than you can say “single persons supplement”.

And the crux of it all is, well (sorry mum) but a girl’s gotta eat. Not just in a (sorry mum) sexual way, but in all the other little ways that having a date or the early stages of a relationship enriches your life. Discovering someone new and exciting, watching TV you wouldn’t normally watch and those early morning cuddles that start your day with a smile.

OK so maybe I haven't, and never will, come across my fantasy dream hunk (wow, that’s a phrase straight out of a 1980’s edition of Just17) on a dating website. But you have to ask yourself, is a real date with someone who seems kind of OK looking and nice company better than no date at all with your fantasy dream hunk? Am I better off sitting at home with my TV remote to myself, looking at my nicely not squashed dresses, trying to work out who I am and what I want (how exactly do I do that I wonder? there is probably another blog post in there somewhere) rather than getting out there and having a pleasant evening with someone who I might feel a bit “meh” about right now, but in reality could turn out to be amazing?

It’s a tough one. You can tell very little from a few lines of a profile and the standard age, location and “do you have pets” check list. I have had dates where the person has clearly stuck their head on someone elses body and vice versa. And I have had dates where the person seems to tick all the boxes on paper (or screen) but in reality something didn’t fit. Until you actually meet someone you can’t know.

I’m far from desperate. There are a million pieces of second hand furniture in my house that could do with a lick of paint, and I have yet to board the eHarmony single girls bus to that fabulous night out with my single friends (all two of them), so I’m in no rush to meet Mr Right. But it’s those early morning cuddles I miss the most. Time to spruce up my profile.

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