I’ve had a nice chilled out weekend. It was only my second weekend alone. The man had the kids and what I really wanted to do was go out on the town and let my hair down, show the world that I am now single and ready to party. Unfortunately, thanks to a lingering virus that has left me with a gargantuan gland on the left hand side of my neck (named Beryl), I knew I needed to act the grown up and concentrate on getting better.
Faced with an entire weekend alone and over 3500 hours of culture, documentaries and the like to choose from my On Demand service, I could really have educated myself. But, not wanting to stress myself out at all by using my brain to actually learn something, I decided to go for an entire series of The Bachelor. A programme where one man has to propose to one woman he chooses out of the original thirty. I thought it would be nice sentimental, drivelly guff.
I’m always looking for answers and ways to explain the world, but did not expect to get it from this sentimental, drivelly guff. At one point the guy spoke to his therapist because he was finding it hard to open up to the women. And his therapist said that in order to find true love, he must make himself vulnerable, and in that vulnerability was strength.
I don’t like the idea of being vulnerable. I have always been very careful not to show my vulnerabilities, and keep a part of myself back to avoid getting hurt. But having kids makes you instantly vulnerable. You have to be brave and lay your heart on the line. Be willing to give your entire self over to that tiny person who needs you, and the family you create. Sometimes you take a gamble and it pays off, sometimes it doesn’t. But unless you allow yourself to be vulnerable you will never experience true love.
Many of us try to hide our vulnerabilities. We like to show the world that we are strong and think being vulnerable is a weakness. But that’s wrong. Being vulnerable takes bravery, but also brings the biggest rewards.
And not just in the love stakes. Occasionally being vulnerable is essential in all areas of life. Trying something that you may not be sure about, being willing to take that risk. I risk a part of myself every time I put my fingers to the keys of this computer. Sometimes the risk doesn’t pay off, sometimes it results in a blah blog post that day, or a rubbish short story. But it’s usually when I have been my most vulnerable that someone comments on my blog and says I have made them laugh, or made them think, or made them happy… and that is the greatest reward for me. That is a connection I am making with someone, you, and that is what I love about writing. Making a connection with someone, maybe someone I’ve never even met is my reward for being vulnerable.
But you can’t make a connection unless you allow yourself to be vulnerable, and show a side of yourself that is often hidden. You need to be able to be yourself, and risk being hurt.
I read somewhere that the best writers are the ones that are not scared to show every part of them to the world. I don’t think that just applies to writers, I think it applies to everyone, in work, in relationships, in life. The biggest innovations, the most brilliant art, the deepest relationships are all the result of someone being vulnerable.
I’m not saying we should all walk around naked, and over-share at every opportunity but I do think that we should all be a little more willing to show our vulnerability. By being vulnerable we make deeper relationships, truer connections and more real progress. And only then do we find the sweetest rewards in life.
No man or woman is an island. However much they might want to be.
And everyone thinks I watch rubbish on TV. Next week, the deep philosophical themes running under the surface of TOWIE.
No comments:
Post a Comment