The Domino Effect

It’s funny how when one thing in your life changes it affects every other area too. When you have shared your life with someone they become inextricably linked to so many things in your life that it’s very hard to separate yourselves. Sometimes it feels like the man and me are wearing invisible Velcro suits, we just manage separate an arm when we discover that a leg is still attached. Trying to unravel the complicated web we have woven around each other is requiring a complete life reboot. It is lucky that we get on so well, I can’t imagine how hard it must be for those who have lost all respect for each other.

At first it just meant an empty place in my bed, then all of a sudden dominoed to the point where I realised that the least of my worries was not having someone to cuddle up to at night. And it’s not just the practical stuff; money, car, house, it is also entangled in everything else, confidence, sense of self, purpose, how I look at the world. I couldn’t name you one thing in my life right now that doesn’t feel strange in some way, and doesn’t require a level of attention to get it sorted out. I was struggling for a while there to be honest. I just didn’t know where to start.

But often all it takes is one thing, and those dominoes start going the other way.

Those of you that have been reading my blog for some time will be well aware of my love of self help books. To any newcomers, welcome! And you should know that I love self help books.

My current new squeeze is Robin Sieger, author of Natural Born Winners. I have never come across him before because he resides in the business section which aims to help companies and businessy people self help themselves, whereas I tend to hang around in the vague “yes I want to be happy and improve my life but I’m not too sure in what way and as long as its not too much hard work and doesn’t encroach on my TOWIE/Chelsea/Neighbours catch up” category of self help.

It turns out that the business self help section is a vast untapped resource of exciting new ways to improve my life (I can almost hear my Amazon shopping cart groaning under the weight already) and I am itching to use what I’m learning to help me unravel the web I’m in and make a happy life on my own.

Robin Sieger’s first lesson is that in order to be successful at anything you have to have a clearly defined set of goals and know exactly where you are heading, a major stumbling block for most of us. Being successful is one thing, working out what that means to each of us is something else. Not only do we see success in different ways, it also, like a long term relationship, filters into so many areas of your life that you could be forgiven for thinking it is easier not to bother. If it’s scary having one goal you might never achieve it’s a hell of a lot more scary to have five (and counting). We all have more than one goal though, and that’s probably why many of us don’t actually get anything done. It all feels far too complicated.

But the truth is, it doesn’t matter how many goals you have, and whether those goals are to get out of phase one (tracksuit bottoms and comfort eating) or get a spot on Forbes list, because you can always make the domino affect work in your favour. The people who are truly successful are usually successful in many areas of their lives not just one. Achieving anything is all about having the confidence to do something, and every tiny success towards achieving one goal also boosts your confidence so you can get closer to another goal.

I dragged myself out of bed at 6am this morning to work out, and as a result feel happy, confident and prepared to take on the world, and have already made a start on sorting out the latest round of Velcro removal for this week. I have no doubt that if I hadn’t worked out today I might not have got as much done.

So no longer do I see to do lists as long as my arm or piles of Velcro in a tangled mess, I see a neatly lined up row of dominoes just waiting for me to push the first one which will topple the rest and snake towards an exciting new life.

Paulo Coehlo said “Everything will be ok in the end, and if it’s not ok, it’s not the end.”