I have a slightly geeky obsession. Maybe less of an obsession more of an addicton. It's not train spotting, caravanning or bird watching... I heart self help books.
As soon as I let slip to anyone I'm reading a self-help book, I can't help but note a sense of eye-rolling and hand to mouth sniggering. Whether that is real or imagined I don't know. Because as much as I love my self-help books, they kind of make me feel a bit dirty, as if I'm buying into something that is potentially a con. Admittedly there's something a bit sleazy and cultish sounding about the term "self-help book". They have a greed focussed, money hungry, and frankly, slightly weird reputation. Self-help also hints at a kind of control freakery which most people would rather not be attributed to? And because of this, I’m often a bit embarrassed about people seeing my bookshelf.
The thing is, there are many self-help books out there masquerading as something else, any book that teaches how to do something could be described a self-help book; anything that gives guidance on life. It could be suggested that even the Bible is a kind of self-help book. (Please note, I am not being flippant about the Bible here, I am merely stating that the end result is arguably the same). But self-help is just another term for self-improvement. And I will admit (slightly pinkish cheeks aside) that I just want to be the best person I can be.
Ever since I can remember I have loved self-help books. My first ever self-help book purchase was aged 13, titled (slightly mortifyingly) "For Weddings A Funeral and When You Can't Flush the Loo". The title only highlights that my social paranoia is rooted in my childhood, and my desire to appear confident and calm in every situation was discovered early. I have always wanted to learn as much as possible about life. We are all born with zero knowledge and yes, we pick up bits along the way from friends, parents, teachers. But no one person could possibly know everything about everything. Maybe some people are lucky enough to learn through the course of their life how to be the best person they can be, but I don't think I was there on the day they were teaching panic attack prevention and cure, how to stop your home turning into a pig sty, parenting a difficult 2 year old or hot lover GCSE at school. And frankly I’m just far too impatient to wait for “life” to teach me. I want results NOW. And maybe these books aren't teaching me anything I don't know already, maybe time management books should say the best way to get more done is to stop reading a bloody book and get on and do stuff, ditto house cleaning. But I genuinely enjoy reading this stuff... however odd that makes me.
I have an embarrassingly huge library of self-help books, including an entire shelf on parenting. Honestly, looking at some of my books you'd think I would have the best behaved kids in the world. You could also be forgiven for thinking I am the best organiser, housewife, lover, stylist and an expert in any other of the huge number of subjects I love to read up on. And I'm constantly finding new things I can learn about and a new craze I can latch onto. I discover a sudden and deep seated fear that I'm merely mediocre at something and want to be better at it, and instantly I'm on Amazon looking for a book to transform me. I'm won over by the synopsis that promises life changing results and it's in my shopping cart before you can say Tony Robbins. But I don't know why I'm so ashamed of it, I just want to improve myself; none of us were born perfect (except maybe Jennifer Aniston but I think she's the exception not the rule).
Take parenting, there are so many different approaches, many of them totally conflicting. You've got your Gina Ford who some might describe as overly harsh, although her methods are used the world over to get babies into routines and sleeping well, then the other end of the scale there is Attachment Parenting which is about holding your kids as much as possible, sharing your bed with them and letting them be a baby as long as possible. And about a billion different approaches in between. And I've tried them all. Not necessarily because I think I'm a bad parent (although that particular belief has fuelled valuable and enjoyable self-help book shopping sprees), but because I love to learn. And for me learning is one of the most exciting things we can do and access to knowledge is one of the greatest un-sung privileges in life.
I think the reason that I'm a tad embarrassed about this is that I have another problem. Just because I love these books doesn't mean that I have actually put any of the ideas into practice. Because despite my obsession with self-improvement, I admit I also have a terribly short attention span. I usually get no more than a few chapters in before I feel like I'm "cured" or can now declare myself an expert and excitedly move onto the next project.
The man often teases me about my self-help book obsession, and ability to move from one to the next without finishing any of them. But I do believe that knowledge really is power, and even if I learn just one thing, one tip, that helps me get through the day with more decorum, be a better parent, organise my time and my stuff - and looking sexier and more stylish whilst doing so, it's been a worthwhile exercise. I just need a self help book to teach me how to finish self help books.
OK it's not very cool and does nothing for my street cred. But it's time for me to admit to my dependence. I am a self-help book addict. If there’s something that can be taught I want to learn. And if that makes me a geek then I'll take that. And the best thing is I know all the tricks to be a stylish, house-proud, sexy and capable geek, or at least I will do once I finish reading the book.
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