A Day For Everything

Hurrah! You probably don’t realise but it’s Global Handwashing Day today (and if it weren’t for me, you’d have missed it tut tut). How bad must our hygiene as a planet have become that we need to have a day dedicated to washing our hands? And I’m all for greater awareness of personal hygiene but is a “day” really the best way to approach it? Admittedly I have been washing my hands more vigilantly today so it must have some effect.

But there are days, and often months, dedicated to pretty much everything and nothing these days. Some of the weirder ones I have encountered in researching this post include Get A Different Name Day (which could be potentially confusing at register time at school: “Fred” “I’m Bob today Miss” “Er OK, Charlie?” “No I’m Aloicious today”, just doing the register would take all day, genius), Barbie Day (I’d be first in the queue with my leotard and legwarmers), Chicken Month (er?) and tellingly, Make Up Your Own Holiday Day, which leads me to wonder in the first place, who comes up with these things? Can anyone just throw their arms wide and shout “I declare today to be International Toilet Paper day, dedicated to the appreciation of having something to wipe our bums with”? And then what? Should I give out free toilet paper? Offer lessons in bog roll origami?

The trouble with all of these days lies in not just a lack of awareness of the day itself but also, not a lot of clarity about what we are supposed to be doing with that day. Global Handwashing Day, I presume we are all supposed to wash our hands today more than any other? And given that tomorrow is World Food Day, does that mean tomorrow we’ll be less clean than today (sod the handwashing, that was yesterdays news, I’m stuffing my face with hors d’eurves using my grubby, unwashed hands).

Some of the days titles make their purpose fairly obvious eg. “No Smoking Day” (appreciate the sentiment buuuuuuut…), Bring Your Dog to Work Day, International Steak and Blowjob day (come on guys, don’t be greedy, that’s what birthdays are for). But others are just plain ambiguous: Namesake Day, Women’s Day, Environment Day, Juneteeth (this is to celebrate the abolishment of slavery, I would have had no idea what “Juneteenth” were for had it not been for Google), Different Colored Eyes Day (purely for people whose eyes are different colours on each side, pretty divisive if you ask me). No, I like the days that clearly pinpoint it’s exact purpose in the title; Everything Covered in Chocolate Day and Gin Day to name two.

I started to compile a list of day’s that I would like to propose (first person to say I have too much time on my hands gets a slap), but then I discovered already existed:

World Stay In Bed Day

Which this year fell on the 23^rd September. This is to raise awareness of people who are bedridden due to illness and not, as the title would suggest (and would have been my reasoning), to encourage laziness on a worldwide scale.

World Egg Day

A day to appreciate all things egg related. Unfortunately we missed it for this year as it falls on the second Friday in October (why do I not get to hear about these things sooner?), but next year I fully intend to have some eggy fun.

Tell The Truth Day

I thought I was being terribly clever in coming up with this idea. I tell the truth without even thinking (sometimes even when it would have been better to lie) but some people could certainly do with some help in that department. It falls in July, I could certainly have slapped a few Tell The Truth Day orders on lying twits over the years.

Random Acts of Kindness Day

OK so this should be everyday but it would be nice if some of those miserly people who wouldn’t help out their own granny could have a day where they were forced to be nice.

There are also a couple of days that don’t already exist (shockingly) which I would like to propose; Children Stay Silent Day, Everything is Free Day, International Shut up, Bring Me Chocolate and Stop Complaining About my Choice in Telly Day and my personal favourite, World Sex Toy Appreciation Month (to handily coincide with Steak and Blowjob Day, well, there needs to be something in it for us girls eh?).