Friday, 6 April 2012

New Beginnings

I wasn’t going to write a blog today. Just say I’d eaten too many eggs and my fingers had got so fat I couldn’t type. Give myself a day off like the millions of other people out there. You’re all probably too busy eating eggs and hot cross buns and watching repeated films on the telly to be reading anyway. But I just couldn’t do it, because apparently creativity never sleeps – at least not when it’s coming from my brain. Just as I was about to go to bed last night and have my first early night in what feels like this decade (and I need it, Beryl the elephantine gland is back, her size seems to be directly related to the number of fags I smoke and the lack of sleep I have) my mind started blogging in my head. Hate that. So here I am for the few of you with me on this Good Friday.

Easter. What’s it all about? Eating eggs? Watching the same old films they roll out on telly year after year? Sort of. But while none of us can deny the pure fun and excitement of secretly eating all the Easter Eggs (sorry kids, the Easter Bunny must have got peckish) then replacing them with slightly misshapen, battered eggs found in the reduced section after Easter (a bargain at 50p each), and rewatching Monsters inc for the millionth time, Easter is about new beginnings. It might just be the beginning of a new Easter Egg or pack of Hot Cross Buns… but even those are pretty special in themselves.

Whether or not you are religious, Easter is a great time to enjoy a fresh start. It’s all about rebirth and new possibilities. Easter is one of the few times in the year we can wipe the slate clean and start again (apart from New Years Day, first day of school terms, first day of the month, Mondays… ok, we get quite a few chances for new starts, but bear with me).

There is nothing more exciting than a new start; a new baby, a new school, a fresh new word document just waiting for me to fill it with letters and words and thoughts and stories.

New starts are damn scary though. Because when something is so new and delicate, it’s quite natural worry about how it might end. That clean white virtual page is terrifying, because I don’t actually know what is going to be at the end of it; will it be something worth the time I spent on it, will it be as wonderful as I hope? But sometimes is best not to even think about it (easier said than done I know), and just go for it, balls out, and deal with the consequences later. If you always think about the end and what might go wrong you leave little room to enjoy the beginning.

Always a worrier, I am not good at going with the flow. Well I do, but I do it with so much deep thought and analysis that I quickly find I am not necessarily enjoying the ride. But I have really been trying to go with the flow recently, when something feels good don’t look for its flaws and when something is going right, don’t search for ways it could go wrong. Now I’m trying to go with the flow and not worry about it, I’m finding that the ride can be exhilarating.

I’ve had my fair share of endings over the years. There have been a few milestone moments when the rug has been ripped out from under me (or even ripped the rug out myself) and my world has toppled down around me. But the truth is, each ending has brought a new beginning, and given me something even more precious than what was there before; the birth of the sons, a career change or a new relationship. When something ends it’s normal to be sad, but with every ending there is a new beginning, and any new beginning, however it might end up, is precious and special.

So I for one am going to enjoy my new beginnings this weekend. And my first new beginning is eating the eggs I got for the kids Easter Egg hunt. A hunt for two eggs is just as good as a hunt for eight, right? And if not, there’s nothing wrong with a few battered eggs and a tardy Easter bunny later in the week.

Happy Easter everyone, enjoy your new beginnings J

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