Happy Christmas!

Seeing as this is my last post before Christmas, I wanted to do something really special. Maybe something a little profound about peace on earth and good will to all men.

Well, a week into the school holidays, kids driving me insane and already pissed off about the giant turkey taking up valuable chocolate space in my fridge, I have little to say about peace, my house is anything but peaceful. And having been to town 3 times this week, and each time been stuck behind a shuffling shopper who has to stop every two seconds to get harassed by a charity collector or a fake perfume seller, even my good will is running at an all time low.

So to cheer us all up I decided I would find out some fun Christmas facts that you might not already know of. Impress your family and friends with these babies at the Christmas dinner table:

• Christ was born on December 25^th right? Well, probably not. Biblical boffins estimate that Christ was actually born sometime between 6BC and 30AD, so there is a very real possibility that Jesus is sitting up there on his cloud shouting “But its not my birthday!” every year.

• Christmas pudding started as a kind of sweet soup, made of raisins and spices. Doesn’t sound any more appealing than the Christmas pudding we have today.

• Up until Henry the Eighth, who first brought turkey to our tables, Christmas dinner in the England was a pigs head. This makes me grateful for my poor old giant turkey taking up fridge space.

• A big part of any British Christmas dinner table is the crackers. For anyone who doesn’t know (apparently many nations do not) these are cylindrical cardboard items that bang when pulled between two people, and one person is “lucky” enough to “win” (note the sarcasm) a paper crown which is either too big for your head or so tight it rips the second you put it on, making you paranoid about your freakishly large head. The cracker also contains a pretty rubbish joke (or sometimes, in posh crackers, a Christmas fact) that is read out for everyone to groan to, and a utterly useless gift, I almost always get a big plastic paper clip (too flimsy to clip any of my regular sized paper let alone big stuff) or a lonely single dice (fun).

• The Christmas wreath is meant to represent Christ’s thorny crown. But there is a contrasting view that holly and ivy kept gremlins and goblins at bay, who liked to come into warm homes during Winter (probably not the same kind of Gremlins from the film though).

• Chocolate coins represent the money St Nick gave to poor children at Christmas time.

• There are twelve days of Christmas because this is reportedly the length of time it took the wise men (or kings, depending on which version of the story you like) to reach baby Jesus when they went visiting. Maybe this is why they chose gold, frankincense and myrrh gifts, as apposed to a box of Celebrations, which lets face it would not have lasted for two days in the hands of peckish men (except maybe the Bounty’s).

• Most male reindeer shed their antlers around Christmas time, so Rudolf is either a female reindeer or a male wearing clip on antlers just for the tourists.

• The poinsettia is actually native to Mexico. Its name comes from Cuetlaxochiti which means “flower that wilts”, very apt considering when I bought my poinsettia this year the checkout lady said “Oh these, I call them buy and die plants”. Which is why I always get one, it’s the one plant I can buy without the guilt associated with inevitably killing it.  

• A brilliant Christmas game played in medieval times, called “Hot Cockles”, involved one blindfolded person being “struck” by another person. The blindfoldee then had to guess who cast the blow. I can’t see this catching on today, as this would be likely be used as an excuse to punch an annoying family member in the face (or maybe that’s just me).

• There is an old wives tale that says bread baked on Christmas eve will never go mouldy, so fire up your bread makers tomorrow.

• Eating a mince pie on each of the twelve days of Christmas is believed to give you good luck for the following twelve months. Finally, a Christmas food tradition I can get on board with.

Have a brilliant Christmas, peace and good will to all men (and women)!!! J