I’m one of those (irritating) people that will shamelessly ask for favours. I see nothing wrong in asking for help, maybe because I love doing favours myself. I just like to feel useful.
Giving and receiving favours contributes not only to a sense of community (which in my opinion we are in danger of completely losing in this country) but also creates feelings of good will on both sides. It feels good to be of use and to help someone, and it feels nice to be on the receiving end of an act of kindness. Good karma all round.
Research suggests that asking for favours actually endears you to people because the person has to justify to themselves why they are willing to help you. Do they like you? Or is it just to feel good themselves? Either way, it’s a win-win situation.
Last Christmas when we had all the snow there was a knock on our door. An elderly gent had brought his dog for a walk at the park by our house, but had locked his keys in his car. He asked me to call him a taxi so he could go home and get a spare. With two small kids staring at him like he was from outer space, and his poor dog looking terrified in our doorway, I called a taxi. The car arrived promptly but just as promptly sped off, refusing to take a “dirty, stinking old dog” in his car. I bundled up the kids and took the man and his dog, Ben, home to pick up his spare key. When I dropped him back off to his car the man tried to press a fiver into my hand. I of course refused, saying “I would hope if I were in a similar situation someone would do the same for me. Happy Christmas!” I have felt good about that day ever since (probably even better than the man did at the time) and I wouldn’t hesitate to do the same thing again.
Recently I was asked to make a cake for a friend’s birthday. It took at least five hours of my time, plus traipsing about getting supplies but I loved every second of it. The friend was happy with his cake, and I loved every second of the five hours in clouds of flour and icing sugar and knowing I was helping someone out.
I don’t understand why some people are so averse to asking for favours. It’s not a sign of weakness and it’s no imposition unless you are guilt tripping someone into doing something they don’t want to (I have done it a few times but only to family members who are technically obliged to do anything I ask) and people are free to say no if they want. Some people may think they can get through life without asking for help, but it’s a damn sight harder and they won’t make any more friends along the way. There’s nothing like saying “Thank you, you really helped me out” to cement a friendship.
When working abroad for a bar I was paid in commission, but soon realised that I could boost my income by getting tips. People don’t generally tip for drinks so I needed to gently ask for them, by pushing my tip jar towards them, or casually pointing out that I only worked on commission. Many a time I was told I had a “brass neck” for asking, but I soon found that despite my “brass neck” the same people were coming back to me time and again, even asking for me on my nights off, and my tip jar was soon doubling, or even tripling, my otherwise pitiful income. The people who gave me tips usually got a slightly larger cocktail, or time spent outside work hours showing them around or telling them the best places to go. I still have many friends who started out as my customers at that bar, friends who I had asked for a “favour” of a tip of a few cents, and we have been giving and receiving favours ever since.
I’m not saying we should go overboard, and sometimes there’s a fine line to asking for a favour and blatantly taking the piss. But I see nothing wrong in asking for advice or help with something that I couldn’t otherwise manage myself.
In asking someone for a favour you are actually saying “Hey, I trust your judgement/ expertise/ knowledge/ kindness” and we could all do with a bit more of that in our lives.
So do yourself a favour, ask someone else for a favour this weekend, it might just make someone’s day.
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